{"id":4226,"date":"2024-03-26T09:21:52","date_gmt":"2024-03-26T09:21:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/evagruber.org\/?p=4226"},"modified":"2024-10-21T09:34:23","modified_gmt":"2024-10-21T09:34:23","slug":"most-diplomatic-angry-person-people-pleasing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/evagruber.org\/de\/most-diplomatic-angry-person-people-pleasing\/","title":{"rendered":"„You are the most diplomatic angry person.“ [People-Pleasing]"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

I used to believe \u201cI’m not an angry person\u201d, especially not with others as harmony seemed everything to me. Until I participated curiously in an anger-workshop, being entitled „the most diplomatic angry person“ my trainer has ever seen. <\/span><\/p>\n

And you know what?<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

This discernment made me angry! Not angry at her (she was a great, fun trainer) but angry at myself for falling into this trap, this mis-guiding belief.<\/span><\/p>\n

As I drove back from Berlin years ago and ever since, I’m discovering my anger and I’m trying to use this energy:<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

~ I learned my anger tends to stay silent. I obviously bottle it up tightly inside me.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

It stayed silent for most of my life because due to a family trauma at the age of 6 I assumed „I can’t voice my sadness, anger or anything that felt heavy on top“. Even worse, I believed „I have to act responsibly“, show up for others first, support.<\/span><\/p>\n

This belief-system and behavior-pattern strongly nourished my people-pleasing and by that need for harmony, unconsciously of course.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

~ I also reframed my bigger picture of anger and grief to elevate their energy.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

So many of us – maybe especially parents and managers – still believe that anger is something bad, bad, bad. You are not allowed to show it, as otherwise you are not a friendly person, not easy to work with, complicated.<\/span><\/p>\n

But anger is a positive energy at its very core. It simply shows you and me – your team or family – that something is not okay and needs to change.<\/span><\/p>\n

This discernment became my anchor-moment for shifting my responses. Hence, after I feel angry or strongly confused today, I take 3 deep breaths and curiously try to detect \u201cWhat\u2019s at the core of this unpleasant feeling?\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n

Most of the time, it\u2019s because I feel treated unfairly. One can imagine that lacking fairness leads me to feel a lack of harmony. Once again, people-pleasing can win over me if I don\u2019t do my mental practice to intercept it.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

How angry would you rate your personality on a scale of 1-10 (1=not angry at all, 10=very angry)?\u00a0<\/span>What do you believe could be the underlying pattern, hampering your wellbeing and healthy relationships?<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

If you are among the lower rates (1-4) get especially curious and explore why that is.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

I’m here to support you any time (hi@evagruber.org<\/a>).<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I used to believe \u201cI’m not an angry person\u201d, especially not with others as harmony seemed everything to me. Until I participated curiously in an anger-workshop, being entitled „the most…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4227,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[273,520,521,514,254,522,448,360,322],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/evagruber.org\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4226"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/evagruber.org\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/evagruber.org\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/evagruber.org\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/evagruber.org\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4226"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/evagruber.org\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4226\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4229,"href":"https:\/\/evagruber.org\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4226\/revisions\/4229"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/evagruber.org\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4227"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/evagruber.org\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4226"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/evagruber.org\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4226"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/evagruber.org\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4226"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}